The Hollando Diet

Office collegues remain shocked and awed by my mysterious post-bathroom weight gain. Hence, we have decided to engage in a two-fold experiment.

Part I: Purchase an analog scale. Carefully control all possible variables. Weigh before and after trips to the restroom (the kind of trips that involve a newspaper.) Compare results. Disprove the presence of the mysterious phenomenon, or confirm the mystery and promote unsubstantiated odd theories to explain the inexplicable.

Part II: Begin a “juice fast” using quirky, obscure, non-FDA-approved, so-called “health” products purchased at a major grocery store. The juice fast supposedly results in massive weight loss. Throughout the weight loss process, confirm this strange phenomenon. Determine if a point of inflection exists, i.e. restroom trips involving mass loss below a threshold level will involve the mysterious weight gain while restroom trips involving mass loss above the threshold amount will result in actual weight loss. Large volume weight loss, which is likely to occur during the juice fast, will provide ample opportunity to determine the threshold point. AMPLE opportunity…